#BookishThoughts-#BookBound

I have coined this phrase over the last week, it’s probably not unique to me, but it describes the state of mind I currently inhabit.

Book Bound-like egg-bound but less painful physically speaking, more emotionally based -wherein you are so full of books that reviews and coherent thoughts are jammed. They have no outlet.

A year is not really a very long time to have been doing something or to be particualry well practiced at, so I hope I convey this well….

I splurge onto the screen all the words and feelings that books give me.But, before I found book blog tours, before I discovered bookish Twitter or the Swansea bloggers collective, this blog was my only means of getting bookish ramblings onto the page.

Sure, I reviewed for Netgalley and on Goodreads, but people do not want to read my long ramblings about certain books on those platforms, they want something sharp, pacy and on point-should I buy this book? Why yes it could be well worth your time. So I would write and have no clue who , if anyone , read my reviews.

This blog is where I came to talk at length about the ones that really moved me or thought these books would not have as much publicity/exposure-small presses and self published authors.

The posts were random, and I had no idea about stats and such, counters and things were beyond me. I am lucky to be married to a webmaster who gave me a whistle stop tour of how to use this, and I can manage the basics but little more.(Don’t even start me on WP5 and blocks!)

But over the last year, as I have become more attuned to the book blogger world, I have found my tribe online and in real life. An unaccountable anxiety about going to my first bloggers collective meeting had me breathing out a HUGE sigh of relief when nearly everyone I talked to said the same thing-

‘I can’t talk about books to anyone else’

‘You can only talk about a book for so long and then YAWN, they are moving on’

Oh I know that feeling only too well! It is a real privilege to be in a room with people who genuinely feel that passion about reading, books and getting them out there for people to find. It’s not about keeping hidden gems close to yourself and not sharing them except with a select few, it’s saying ‘This is a great book!’

So, on to being book bound. Suddenly I am saying yes to far too many things. I am spending so much time online that it eats into my reading time. I patted myself on the back for not buying any books in January at all when in reality I recieved at least 10 from publishhers to whom I am supremely grateful.

As student nurses we are taught about accountability and responsibility as part of our role, as well as the value of reflection. Reflecting is where you honestly appraise what you did, why you did it and what you would do better next time-if it was the case that something did not go as predicted.

The books in my hallway now number 116. That is a ridiculous amount of books. I was looking for one in my bookcase on the weekend and felt I slipped into book Narnia as more and more books came to light which I have not read and don’t remember buying.

So in order to distract myself from mounting panic, I have retreated online to Twitter and maybe it’s being more fine tuned to bookposts, or just the frame of mind I am in, but I started noticing trends.

Book blogger posts I have seen recently cover  the following-

‘YOU DO YOU! You GO bookblogger!’- Followed immediately by judging how badly you are ‘doing you’

‘I do/don’t post negative reviews and don’t care about those who do/don’t’-Followed immediately by ripping apart of the ones who do the opposite of what that blogger is doing.

‘Publishers/authors send out free books we are grateful for this privilege, I have lots of great books’-Followed immediately by shows of ingratitude and/or asking for more books.

‘There is no right /wrong way to write a review! ‘

Followed immediately by exactly how not-in their opinion-to write a review.

‘I don’t care about stats/subscribers etc’-Followed immediately by their weekly stats

‘I don’t care about how many comments I have’-Followed immediately by ‘WHERE ARE ALL MY COMMENTS?’

You get the drift.

I am not judging, if you are obsessed with stats, own it, there is no shame! Validation comes in many forms and if this is your way then embrace it.

If there is no right or wrong way to write a review, then why do you want to tailor other people’s reviews to your magic formula? Sometimes, life gets in the way and we don’t all have hours to spend at the computer making an all singing all dancing blog post. I admire those who do but please don’t look down on a small paragraph, written with heart, from someone trying their best.

Honestly, honestly look at the books you are asking for-would you actually buy that in a shop if you saw it? Are you trying something new? Have you over committed yourself? There is no prize for blog posts per month or how quickly you post a review. I read 2 brilliant books last night , the same day I received them and wrote reviews whilst it was fresh in my head and then was angst ridden in case anyone thought I was ‘showing off’. It should be a fun thing not an anxiety causing one.

Book blogging should be fun and something that you enjoy. Schedule blog posts/don’t schedule blogposts. Write about old books, write about new books. Write about what you love or don’t love. No judging, I am genuinely so fond of reading reviews that come from the heart. No one is marking them out of 10 though I would 13 out of 10 recommend all the brilliant bloggers I follow for the above reasons!

There should not be anxiety about doing something you love; validation for likes and comments may not be my way of doing things, I may be reaching no one but instead of beating myself up at the only 20 people who looked at my blog, I choose to embrace those 20 people and be thankful!

There may not be any comments on any of my posts, but instead of getting upset at scrolling down the page of posts with ‘No comments’, it does not mean that they weren’t read, thought about, and hopefully enjoyed.

My Bookish Confession-I am a terrible, TERRIBLE friend. I read the blogposts in my emails and then message people to say ‘Awesome post!’ I could leave comments too. I forget, and then forget that I forgot and it becomes a thing. My intention is to be more thoughtful in that regard in the future.

That is my reflection, to allow myself the freedom to write, and to support those who are doing the same.

I read this book yesterday and it genuinely caused an epiphany.

‘My Mini Micor Mindset Manual’ by Neeta Oza made a huge impact from a very small package .

If you are still reading this far down the page, then I would urge you to get it.

It offers no magic formula to self enlightenment, it tells you the simple truth that the answer is inside yourself. You have the ability to choose. You have the ability to let go and give yourself permission to do so.

I have the ability to write about the things that I love, and it is a privilege. I am giving myself permission to say no,and that is ok.

I am going to ignore inflammatory posts, spend less time online and breathe a little.

AND READ .

Also… this was a HUGELY motivating post by the brilliant @yearsofreading please take a read-https://yearsofreadingselfishly.blog/2019/01/19/why-bother/

And this one-more spot on than I could ever be by @MrsBloggsReader 

https://mrsbloggsbooks.com/2019/01/31/imposter-syndrome-in-book-blogging-writing-and-other-careers/