#BookReview ‘TerrorTome’ by Garth Marenghi

About the book…

When horror writer Nick Steen gets sucked into a cursed typewriter by the terrifying Type-Face, Dark Lord of the Prolix, the hellish visions inside his head are unleashed for real.

Forced to fight his escaping imagination—now leaking out of his own brain—Nick must defend the town of Stalkford from his own fictional horrors, including avascular-necrosis-obsessed serial killer Nelson Strain and Nick’s dreaded throppleganger, the Dark Third.

‘TerrorTome’, in the words of its modest author, Garth Marenghi, is the first of possibly 1000 volumes, which would come out faster than 1 per year if it wasn’t for Hodder editors.

Not to be confused with the principal protagonist,-yes Garth and Nick Steen both favour tweed suits and black pullovers but there is at least an inch in height difference- both are genius writers without equal (a heavy, heavy burden) .

What other writer would put his balls to the wall horror out in a marketplace full to overflowing with bestsellers?What makes TerrorTome stand out amongst the others on a crowded bookshelf in your local WH Smiths (other bookshops may vary)?

Well, in this reader’s humble opinion, the writer not only has an oeuvre that can be actively advancing humankind’s development, he provides non stop horror thrills the like of which you rarely come across.

Grab a stiff drink and journey with me to Stalkford, possibly to become as much a  household name as Castle Rock or Twin Peaks….

Stalkford is the home of one Nick Steen, prolific horror writer about to come undone by the combination of a cursed typewriter and an intefereing editor. Roz, his erstwhile editor has tried to champion Nick’s writing whilst juggling the environmental impact of cutting down so many trees for Nick’s books that it is contributing to climate change directly. Something had to give, and in the first of the three volumes in TerrorTome, Type-Face (Lord Of The Prolix) there is absolutely no resemblance whatsoever to Hellraiser. Not at all. Having bought an antique typewriter with a disturbing appetite for sexual adventures which verge on the indecent, Nick finds himself not only trapped within  his own fecund imagination, even worse, freeing himself-and Roz-releases all of his many, many, many creations loose on the streets of Stalkford.

Now on a mission to save themselves, Stalkford and indeed, the wider world , Roz and Nick take on recent asylum escapee Nelson Strain who is determined to push the limits of medical science to bring to life his Bride Of Bone, along with his skeletorian army (I.E boners) to take over the world. Don’t tell Mary Shelley but he has taken Frankenstein to its ultimate conclusion.

After extricating themselves from the afore mentioned situation, Roz -and , indeed, Stalkford-have to take on the world’s worst nightmare-multiple clones of Nick Steen. Not just clones copies but traffic cop variants, vampire variants and many, many more…The Dark Fraction takes what Stephen King began with The Dark Half and does it properly.

Will they survive the relentless onslaught of the products of Nick’s imagination?

Will Garth become the new GRRM, and be constantly asked if he will ever finish what he began with Nick Steen’s oeuvre opener?

Is there room for more than one compelling female character in Garth’s books or is Roz all the woman Stalkford needs?

Where does Garth stop and Nick start?

It’s, quite frankly a lot.

Having vanished for 20 years since the televisual debut of his underground hit (in Peru at least) Darkplace, does Garth have anything left to say?

The answer is yes, if this is anything to go by.

If I may defer to Matthew Holness, creator of Garth Marenghi, the reason this humble reader feels he is still massively relevant is that he writes fantastically. You simply cannot take a joke, stretch it over 20 years and still have people laughing without pure, instinctive talent.

Darkplace is to 70’s and 80’s pulp horror novels, television and films, what Kevin Williamson and Wes Craven are to slasher films in the Scream franchise.

It takes a fondly remembered and beloved genre of novels by those writers like James Herbert, Shaun Hutson, Richard Laymon , Stephen King and more, and parodies them with wicked wit, and a deep love.

It’s difficult if not impossible to laugh in the same way that you did -if you are of an age to remember the original broadcast of Darkplace- years ago without there being a root connection with the material, because in the intervening years, Matthew has written for anthologies (highly HIGHLY recommend a copy of Flame Tree Press’ Mark Morris edited ‘Beyond The Veil’ which contains Matthew’s story, ‘Caker Man’) and starred in other tv shows, as well as writing the single most terrifying film I have ever seen, ‘Possum’.

And at every step , Garth and his oeuvre have been there, following like a demonic shadow, until TerrorTome was published, and accompanied by a mostly sold out book tour.

This book is brilliant, skewering relentlessly the hubris and self absorbed nature of Garth’s character whilst delivering over 200 pages of interwoven storylines that made me cry with laughter as much as shudder with revulsion. It may be bold to say that Matthew wears his horror credentials on his sleeves, he writes in a manner that pulls the reader in and does not let them go. He nails small town logic and small town minds, plus an innate knowledge of medical procedures and bodily functions which can only come from massively indepth research (I say this as a medical professional myself).

I often go back to the horror which formed the bulk of my formative reading years to see with older eyes that what was scary, is now a pale imitation of what Stevie-Garth calls him this-King refers to as ‘the grossout.’ Last week I reviewed Shaun Hutson’s ‘Victims’ ,which came as a part of my Abominable Book Club February package(monthly horror book sub, each parcel has a second hand book included)

It is a terrible book that was next to impossible to read but even so,it made me feel nauseous and that has to be a measure of talent to say that, right?

And so, yes I have waffled on because TerrorTome is THAT GOOD. I thoroughly recommend listening to the audio book as Liam Neeson *may* be in it, and Garth really should describe himself as an actor, not just ‘plus actor’ as his accents are , well, quite something!

It nails the aspirational tone so many of us kids had in the 80’s where everything American was cool, and we wanted so badly to use the language, wear the clothes, listen to the music and believe anything was possible.

More than a horror novel (in 3 parts), TerrorTome *might* just save your life

1. Check your batteries, their lifespan-and subsequently yours-is vital knowledge
2. Ten human toes can fit in a tin of travel sweets
3. The ply of the tissue you carry in your lady bag is vital
4. Carry a lady bag and regularly check the contents for use by dates (see point 1)
5. Don’t buy antiques from a shop which also sells eels, it will save your life
6. Necrosis and avascular necrosis are *not* the same thing
7. Editors can be useful on occasion
8. Garth’s hair, like Nick Steen’s, is like topaz smoke (seen up close at his TerrorTome tour)
9. Prawn Masala should only be eaten at a tried and tested restaurant
10. Speedos in a size too small is a torture that breaks boundaries(as well as balls)
11. Psychic dugongs need more representation
12. Your choice of footwear (I.E slingbacks) could be fatal. Choose wisely.

About the author…

‘Garth Marenghi was born in the past, graduated from his local comprehensive (now bulldozed) with some O levels in subjects. He taught for nine years at his local library reading group before becoming a full-time horror writer.

‘He has published numerous novels of terror (too numerous to list, nay count), over 500 short stories, and has edited 40 anthologies of his own work, which have all received the Grand Master of Darkdom Award.

‘He wrote, directed and starred in Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace for the Peruvian market, which subsequently aired on Channel 4 and has not been repeated due to its radical and polemic content. He commenced work on TerrorTome during the late 1980s, continued on it alone and unaided by editors throughout the 1990s, and on into the early 2000s, then the mid-2000s, and has only now found a publisher brave enough to unleash its chilling portendings. He is an honorary fellow.’

Twitter @MrHolness @HodderBooks